


Hard-boiled

by seraphichan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Jean you fool, Marco you freaking saint, POV Marco Bott, you get the best friend award my dood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9961505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphichan/pseuds/seraphichan
Summary: “Oh my god, Marco, oh my god.”Marco inwardly sighed, thankful that Jean had finally caught on.“My baby has some sort ofdisease!” he wailed.Or not.





	

“I don’t understand, Marco,” Jean groaned into his hands.

Marco reached up and patted his friend’s back. Jean had shown up at his apartment door nearly ten minutes ago and had been moaning and sighing ever since. These were the first coherent words he had spoken and Marco was glad he could finally get down to uncovering what was bothering him.

“What don’t you understand?”

“Mikasa wants to eat hard-boiled eggs every single moment of every single day. She woke me up at two in the morning and threatened me with bodily harm if she didn’t have a fucking egg.”

“Okay?”

“She doesn’t even like eggs, Marco!”

Marco tilted his head in thought. He had an idea of what might be happening, but he didn’t want to make assumptions.

“Is that the only ‘weird’ thing that’s been going on?”

“Her sleep schedule is fucked. Like she’s either asleep all the time or not at all. Everything makes her cry. Or makes her angry. There’s really no in between, dude. And she’s been throwing up. I’ve never cleaned a toilet so much in my life.”

Well, well. That seemed easy enough to understand. In Marco’s mind anyway. Jean, however, didn’t seem to get it at all. Not that Marco was entirely surprised by that. When it came to Mikasa, Jean was obstinately oblivious. ‘Head over heels in love’ was a fitting phrase, and Jean happened to have lost some of his common sense in the tumble.

“Okay,” Marco began, “now think really hard about what you just said and what all of it might have in common.”

Marco could swear he heard the gears of Jean’s head spinning ever so slowly as he thought. He half expected smoke to pour from Jean’s ears.

After a much longer time than it should have taken, Jean’s eyes widened and he grabbed Marco’s shoulders.

“Oh my god, Marco, oh my god.”

Marco inwardly sighed, thankful that Jean had finally caught on.

“My baby has some sort of _disease_!” he wailed.

Or not.

“Please don’t tell me you’re serious.”

“What else could it be?” Jean asked.

Marco really didn’t want to tell Jean what it meant flat out. It wasn’t his place to do so if Mikasa herself hadn’t said anything, but Marco was losing his patience.

“Look. You two have been having sex, right?”

Jean cleared his throat and his cheeks went pink. “That’s a bit too personal, Marco.”

“When we were five you pulled down your pants to show me where a bee had stung you on your dick, and then you _made me touch it_ because you wanted me to feel how swollen it was. We’ve been past the ‘too personal’ boundary for _years_. So?”

Jean cleared his throat again. “Yes.”

“ _Unprotected_ sex?”

“Marco.”

“ _Jean_.”

“...Yes.”

“ _Okay_ , so that, plus the weird craving for eggs, plus the vomiting, _plus_ the mood swi--”

Jean screamed and shook Marco by where he still had him gripped by the shoulders.

“Oh my god, Marco, _I’m pregnant_!”

“Technically Mikasa is, but ye--”

“I need to buy diapers!” he yelled as he ran from Marco’s apartment.

“I don’t think you’ll need those quite yet!” Marco shouted after him, but Jean was already too long gone to hear.

Marco sighed and shook his head, then he dug out his phone.

“Marco?” Mikasa answered. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to say sorry I spilled the beans to Jean, but he was being an idiot and I couldn’t take it.”

“What?”

“You’re pregnant...right?”

“Yes, but what do you mean you ‘spilled the beans’ to him? I’ve been pregnant for over a month.”

“But did you tell Jean that?”

“Well, no, I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“Because of the eggs?”

“Yeah, I hate eggs. Wait, what did he think it meant?”

“That you were disease ridden.”

“ _Oh my god_.”

“Yeah, so, I guess instead of ‘I’m sorry’ I mean ‘You’re welcome’ and also consider this a fair warning about the endless supply of diapers he’s probably going to come home with.”

“ _Oh my god_.”

Marco chuckled. “Good luck.”


End file.
